I’m so addicted to the Simpson’s tapped out game and its all kaylas fault. Lmfao
We even made our own “house”
Idk.
Anyways frieeeennndddsss nowwww
Un: Jaycefacee
(Idk I just typed in my email and junk and it was already made and I was like wat. But okay w/e don’t care)

So no one probably remembers me making a post about my “best friend” borrowing $300 from me back in July to pay her car insurance because she had just gotten back from a 10-day vacation in Mexico and she had no money, but yeah she was supposed to give me like $50, a week til she paid me back, since then I’ve gotten $40 back, that was about a month ago.
Since July she’s managed to still keep her gas tank full at all times(it takes like $80 to fill her tank), pay her phone bill, and any other bill every month, buy new clothes, buy weed and booze weekly, oh and also get 2 new tattoos!

Someone please explain the logic here.

He did not.
He did not.
HE DID NOOOOOOOOT.

OMGIM SO EXCITED.
So me and this guy who used to work with me have randomly been talking a lot lately and he always sort of builds up to asking me to hang out, but then like backs out.
But anyway
He JUST DID
dvhhfsathnoyssbji.
I AM EXCITE

awkward moment when your friends have been posting a lot of really vague (however making it really obvious that its about you) posts/statuses for the last couple weeks but youre just now finding out because youve been working like 10 hours everyday at the hell hole known as kmart. 

apparently im a horrible friend and its bad to be concerned about people’s heath or upset when youve had a shitty day and then they upset you.
lately ive been thinking a lot(mostly while i mindlessly fold shirts and zone out in my brain) about how or what i would say to apologize for whatever i did.
im not really sure.
but i was going to apologize anyways.
because i miss you.
like you dont understand how much i miss your goofy ass forreal.
especially when youre put in a position where  youre not sure how to handle a situation, itd be nice to have your best friend there to talk to.
im sorry you thought all of my negative statues and posts were about you,
because they werent.
they were about someone else who opened my eyes to the world of fake friends.
i never thought youd fall into that category.

im sorry i feel like the im the victim.
im sorry i didnt talk to you more.
im sorry i felt like you were drifting away.
im sorry i dont have a car so we could have hang out more.
im sorry i live so far away.
im sorry i work so much.
im sorry im sorry.
im sorry im so dumb and emotional.
im sorry im a stupid fucking pisces.
im sorry i wasnt a cancer so then maybe we’d understand eachother better.
im sorry i was worried about you.
im sorry i didnt just let you do what you wanted without me being a pathetic bitch.
im sorry im a pathetic bitch.
im sorry that this was my dumb cruddy apology.
im sorry im dumb.
im sorry that this is probably making you even more angry.
im sorry that you hate me.
im sorry that i dont know how to fix this.
im sorry that i keep adding more and more dumb sorrys to this every 4 minutes.
im sorry that i fucked up my hair.
im sorry that i dont listen when you tell me about your flavor of the week.
im sorry that im so scared to use you.
im sorry i took you for granted.
im sorry that i didnt know how to make you feel better when you were throwing up on new years.
im sorry that some how my mom got the impression that your were an alcoholic.
im sorry that everyone was so shitty to you at that football game in middle school and im so dumb and dumb that i didnt know how to stop it.
im sorry i didnt get you a birthday present.
im sorry that i got you a dumb card.
im sorry i ate all the raspberries.
im sorry i put ants on your table.
im sorry i upset you.
im sorry i hurt you.
im sorry this is the way i’ve decided to express my feelings, my self and my apology.
im sorry you’ll probably never see this.
im sorry i feel like theres no hope in us being friends ever again. 

but most of all, im sorry im so fucking dumb and messed up in my stupid fucking head. 

and i miss you.  

Never letting anyone borrow shit ever again.
When you’re ”’”“”best friend”“””’ borrows $300 mothafuckin dollars and then when they know they owe you money… They wanna go get a new fucking ugly ass tattoo looking like a 10 year old did it.
I make minimum wage and you are in a assistant manager position… Yet you’re borrowing money from me. Granted I do save a lot of my money but what the hell have you been buying the last 2 months that you cant least give me like $50 a week or some shit.
Like really.

I really need to reevaluate my priorities.
I think I might need a change in scenery.
Everything/everyone here is just bogging my spirit down.
Just. Ugh.

Currently : awake at 4am, trying not to exploderant allowed my friends, trying to recover from just reading the entire series of the cutest manga ever.

So I went for like the last 2 hours-ish. I saw sooooo many people I knew! Oh my god. Even people who like hated me in high school ran up and hugged me like we were just the best of friends. Like even people I hadn’t seen since freshman year. It’s weird that people remember me like that. Oh and of course guess who I see there… Kayla. Waaaah she was sooo cute! ^ u^ And like okay I’m walking around with my sister and her girlfriend. And then we were walking away from the stage towards like he food stands and stuff because her gf wanted to smoke. Then I saw Kayla. (Well I was kinda far away and it was dark and I have bad vision already plus I could only see her profile and at first I’m like ‘wow that girl is super cute wait… She looks familiar. wait… Wait… Wait… WAIT… Oh my god.’) And I like freaked and turned around super fast. And my sister is just like… “o . o wat?” Then Kayla spots me (SHE WAS WITH HER EX BTW. TODAY IS HER EX’S BIRTHDAY. -____-) anyways. She spots me and shes just like.. waaaaah! And runs at me (like her friends and her ex is talking to her and and she just leaves them and runs away towards me.) And she like tackles me and she was like ultra mega super monster bear hugging me and she was like holding me so tight and I’m just like ( *swoon* /*w*/) omg we were hugging for so long. I just. Jdjlsksnshendljtnsnjsjsjwkakkslspsj. Then we were talking for a second and I introduced her to my sister and her gf and it was weird because she knew my sisters girlfriend from high school I guess. And Idk. Then I looked over at her group of friends and I was like maybe you should get back to your birthday party now… And she’s like ‘oh.. you should go tell any happy birthday. Just run up to her and say happy birthday’ I was like. Uh… No… She hates me… (Oh I forgot I havent really been posting a lot of Kayla stuff lately because work is cock blocking me and they wrote me up for taking to Kayla too much and they called her boss and anyways once a couple weeks ago on Friday the 13th I left Kayla this dumb cheesy note and a bunch of candy and I guess she told (her ex) about it and her ex was like mad or something. idk  Kayla said she was kind of mad. So I guess she hates me. Even though we’ve never met.) And yeah. Omg how did I make this so long about Kayla when I only talked to her for like 5 minutes. Mzoshrirfjpdod. Imissher. But anyways. So then I saw Kaitlind who’s this other girl I sort of talked to/liked a while back. Like around my birthdayish. And this time I successfully ran away. Then I saw dozens of other random people. And then a couple of my other friends. And yeah. It was a good night. I didn’t realize how much I missed my sister. I haven’t hung out with her like that in… Years… Were going out to lunch I think on Thursday. I’m excited.

Dear Nick at night.
This does not look like a My Wife and Kids marathon to me….

-_____-

actually today was the best.
first i got to talk to kayla lots and it was so cute an just ugh.
more details on that later/tomorrow probably.
but then my best friends came over. and me and alyssa played battleshots and we were just… chocolate waster. forreals.
like.
omg.
but. she is the best.
i was so happy.
im still happy.
but that just made me happy.

THEN,
we skinny dipped.
omg.
that was my first time. but,
that was like the most relaxing/fun thing ive done in so long.
highly recommended. bahaha.

BATTTTTTLESHOTS~~~~~~~~~~~

All chances of me getting my best friend back have just completely… died.
This girl.
This fucking girl.
She has known her for… Maybe a couple of months.
And they’re best friends now.
‘Sisters’.
Whatever the fuck that is.
We have been best friends since fucking 6th grade.
Now this stupid ass girl she works with wants to come in and just.. ughhh!
Well long story short.
Before this girl.. okay.
My best friend, Sahida, she didn’t really have sex. She had NEVER done drugs, she didn’t really drink too much, she was a good student, worked almost 50 hours a week on top of that, etc, etc, etc.
In the last few months…
She is almost ALWAYS high, half the time she drunk too, she’s had sex with 3 different guys, shes high at work too, sleeping with coworkers or random guys she doesn’t know, she hardly goes home, she practically lived at this other girls house, I don’t even know how she managed to pass her classes this year, and I’ve hardly seen her because she’s always with this stupid fucking girl.
And this girl…
Ugh just thinking about her makes me mad.
This girl first of all she lived with her boyfriend because her mom dumped her on her grandma, and het grandma kicked her out too because she couldn’t handle her. She might as well have dropped out because when she DID go to school she was failing everything, she completely just stopped going to school in February/March because she ‘didn’t feel like it anymore’. And she only works like… Idk 15/20 hours a week… And she’s always high at work.
She doesn’t have a car neither does her bf or her bfs roommate so they’re always making sahida take them everywhere. AND pay for everything because the girl and her bf never have money either.
Okay. All they do is sit around and smoke weed. When they aren’t smoking weed, they’re thinking about smoking weed.
Like I’m serious they do nothing with their lives.
Now I’m not saying smoking is bad…
But when that is the ONLY thing you do…
Just anyways.
Back to the whole reason I’m mad all of the sudden.
They are already literally ALWAYS together. But I was starting to finally see her again sometimes, sometimes, nowhere near as close as much as we used to be together.
So I guess her mom love the girl, Idfk.
Well sahidas mom like tried her best to help the girl get back into school and everything after she hasn’t gone for over 2 months. And her mom is like.. one of those really strong black women. Like madea, if she was a woman, okay. I’m talking crazy, AND SHE’S A COP.
Well this stupid ass girl after ONE day of going to school, stopped going, again. And lied about it for a week…
I’m just like.. -________-
And I’m off track ranting again..
But anyways.
This girl now LIVES with sahida.
She LIVES with her, and her mom, and her stepdad.
So now. When I wanted to talk to my friend about something important.. I said hey you know I have a couple days off, perfect. Maybe we can hang out.
No.
You know why.
Because the girl will be at her house so she can’t leave and we can hang out til she goes to work from 5-10.
So now I have a time limit on when I can see my best friend.
Really.
Really?
Really. -_____________-
Ughhhhh.dbmzlsbsmabdnskdndndkksbdbsjjwjsbwbhsjsjdjjsdhhdhdhhhhuysukeehej!

I literally cannot express how fucking angry I am.
I just.
I need to sleep.
But now I cant.
Maybe I just won’t sleep.

i feel like im always over thinking everything.
this is why i cant get too close to many people.
i always think they have some secret evil motive behind everything they do or say.
getting close to new people always makes me want to become a hermit.
it just scares me.
that’s why i have the same set of friends that i’ve had since the 6th/7th grade.
and losing them scares me,
because that means i’ll either be alone forever or i will be forced to try and make new friends.

all i want in life is a nice, small, artsy apartment that’s a couple stories up in any random city-area.
ill hide away in my little safe house all day and night painting and reading and blogging and not having to worry about how i look or how i say certain things.